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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27622544">I'm still a little bit yours</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrs506/pseuds/mrs506'>mrs506</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>One Direction (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bottom Louis, Consensual Sex, Depression, Fluff, Kid Fic, Lack of Communication, M/M, Minor Injuries, Oral Sex, Smut, Top Harry</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 16:29:03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>14,921</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27622544</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrs506/pseuds/mrs506</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“Harry?” Louis asked to the empty apartment. "What the hell?" He sat up on the bed, his comforter pooling around his waist. The place wasn’t big enough to lose someone. Harry must have left in the middle of the night. And then he felt it. The new twinge of pain in his already bruised heart. He forcefully threw his upper body back and grunted in frustration. Then he looked over to the bedside table and noticed a note under the cup of cold chamomile tea he never got around to drinking.<br/>He reached over and there were only two words scrawled on the otherwise blank page, “I’m sorry.”<br/>He was so damn stupid! He curled up on his side sobbing and trembling. He covered his face with the comforter, tears soaking his pillow, as he begged his body to go back to sleep.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>66</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This fic came to me after listening to J.P. Saxe's song "I'm still a little bit yours." Love angst but I still wanted a happy ending. I've literally been working on this story for almost three months, so if you hate it go easy on me lol. Louis is depressed in the beginning, so if that is triggering for you, please proceed with caution. He doesn't have an eating disorder, but he's depressed, so he skips meals. Again, proceed with caution. Harry was in a relationship with Kendall Jenner before meeting Louis, which is integral to the story, but she's only mentioned a few times.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Louis opened his eyes and blinked lazily, adjusting to the morning light, and stared at his white ceiling. It’d been a while since he slept through the night and his bedding felt cozy and warm. He stretched and reached over to Harry’s side of the bed, but it was cold, just like it’d been for the last few months. His brain knew this, why couldn’t his heart catch up?</p><p>He decided not to delay the inevitable and jumped in the shower. He groaned as the hot spray hit the back of his tense neck. It was frustrating being unable to stop thinking about Harry, seeing his ghost in every corner of the apartment. He briefly considered cooking a proper breakfast but decided tea would do. He rinsed his soapy belly and noticed he might have skipped breakfast one too many times. He closed his eyes, took a cleansing breath, and reached for his towel.</p><p>This whole living on autopilot was working in a way. He was showing up to work and going through the motions. Things were getting done, but weeks were passing him by without finding joy in anything he did. Niall kept pestering him about going out with him after work and he probably should. He’d tried having lunch with his sister a couple of times, and it was alright, but the whole time he was wishing he could go back to his apartment and get in bed.</p><p>His commute wasn’t terrible this morning and the August weather wasn’t as scorching as it’d been even last week. He read somewhere he should make a list of things he was grateful for to appreciate what he took for granted. It wasn’t really working. He was grateful of course, but things didn’t feel right. He had a job, friends who cared about him, an apartment. Sigh! The apartment he’d shared with Harry. The small studio they moved into together after touring what felt like a million tiny places around the city. The one Harry deemed to have the best light and perfect windows. It didn’t feel perfect anymore.</p><p>“Morning Louis!” said Niall. He was half chewing something that smelled delicious and Louis’ stomach rumbled a bit. He really needed to start eating breakfast.</p><p>“Hi! How are things this morning? Anything crazy?” Louis asked as he settled into his desk.</p><p>They worked in a small graphic design agency and their boss was away meeting with clients 90% of the time, so they had a relaxed work atmosphere.</p><p>“Nothing major! The meeting with the client went fine. I don’t even know why they wanted to talk to us right now!” Niall grumbled while lazily scrolling on his phone.</p><p>“Oh stop it! You’re only mad because you had to get up extra early and be on time for once,” Louis said snickering.</p><p>“I will disregard your insolence lackey, but only because I’m the bigger person here. We both know an 8 am meeting is unreasonable. I don’t care about the time difference. An hour later would’ve been just fine. But anyhow, I brought you a pastry. I left it in the kitchen. And don’t make me force-feed you, Louis,” Niall replied pointing a pen at him. “I can hear your stomach from here, so don’t even think about giving me excuses.”</p><p>Niall was a bit too direct sometimes and had a no-nonsense attitude, but he always watched out for Louis and had his best interests at heart. Louis was grateful to have him in his life.</p><p>“Let me just log in and I’ll go get it,” Louis mumbled.</p><p>“You’re welcome! I know you couldn’t live without me,” Niall said while childishly spinning in his office chair.</p><p>The day went by slowly, like most days did for Louis. He had an urge to check Harry’s Instagram during his lunch break but decided against it. He was stronger than that. It’s not like he would’ve found anything other than artsy shots of random objects. Besides, his resolution as of a few weeks ago was to get over Harry. He worked on it every single day and failed miserably by the way. But he had it in his head that getting over Harry would mean getting his life back, so this was serious business.</p><p>At 4:50 pm Niall started gathering his things. Louis was completely absorbed in his work and didn’t hear his friend at first.</p><p>“Louis! LEWIS! I’ll see you at 8 pm, ok?” Niall said, visibly frustrated.</p><p>Louis looked at him with eyes wide open. “What’s happening at 8 pm? I was planning on having a night in actually.”</p><p>Niall rolled his eyes dramatically. “You mean like every night? Nope, you aren’t getting out of this one. It’s Liam’s birthday. Do you know our friend Liam? The one you’ve canceled on three times or was it four? I’ve lost count. And it’s his birthday!”</p><p>“Fuck! I know I’m a terrible friend. Please don’t remind me,” Louis said. He felt awful about it, but he figured they could excuse his shitty behavior for a little while longer. It was completely justified. He was heartbroken and doing the best he could, dammit!</p><p>“Oh common Tommo! I’m kidding, sort of, but it’s gotten to the point where I’m going to have to start guilting you into rejoining the world.”</p><p>Louis looked up at the ceiling and threw an exasperated “FINE!” at his friend.</p><p>“Are you seriously coming?” Niall exclaimed, utterly shocked.</p><p>“Don’t push it, Niall!” Louis hissed.</p><p>“Fine, fine! I won’t say another word,” and he mimicked zipping his lips as he turned around and left.</p><p>Louis felt dread wash over him. He hadn’t gone out in so long. He went back to work and decided to not give it another moment’s thought. He didn’t need any more negativity in his life.</p><p>---</p><p>Louis ran his fingers through his hair, inspecting his reflection on the window outside the bar. He looked alright, but he didn’t feel alright. He knew his under eyes were a little sunken and purple, which was extremely unfair considering he’d gotten a full seven hours of sleep last night, but his outfit made up for it. He was wearing a green, terry polo shirt and his dark wash jeans. He decided not to dwell on his looks anymore and get it over with.</p><p>The place was crowded and loud. Liam was really looking to party, which shouldn’t be unusual really. It was his 23rd birthday after all. He’d been so lost in his own grief that it was easy to forget other people were out there fully enjoying life. Ok, he could work with loud. That’d mean less talking really and Louis could just slip out when his friends were all dancing.</p><p>He spotted Niall first and was momentarily disappointed. He was laughing wildly and hugging Amelia, and Louis liked her, he really did! It’s just that their relationship was new and they looked all lovey-dovey and it made Louis have flashbacks to a sweeter time, full of loving memories that had now turned sour. And he shouldn’t even be thinking about Harry at all because he was a man on a mission. Was he not?</p><p>“Louis, you came! I’d be more excited you’re here, but it means I lost a bet with Liam. Tsk!” Niall joked while giving him a bear hug, his eyes sparkling with mischief.</p><p>“I don’t know how to feel about you betting against me Ni. I said I was coming,” Louis argued.</p><p>“Oh I love you, but we both know I had a real shot at winning,” Niall said winking. “Enough about that, though! You’re in luck because I can apologize to you with shots,” Niall yelled and grabbed one from the table and essentially shoved it into Louis’ face. He really wished he’d have time to ask what kind of shot it was before the burn in his throat made him realize it was, yes, in fact, tequila. Niall would be the death of him one of these days.</p><p>Liam was excited to see him too. Louis would’ve been a bit more embarrassed about how long it’d been since he’d last seen his friend, but the tequila made everything slightly less awkward.</p><p>“I’m so glad you could make it!” Liam said with a genuine smile on his face. He was incapable of a guilt trip anyway.</p><p>“Oh, of course! I wouldn’t miss it. I know I’ve had to cancel a couple of times, but…” Louis said sheepishly.</p><p>“Nah! Don’t sweat it. You’re here and I’m glad to see you out. You look mmm… better!” Liam interrupted. Louis could tell he’d been going for “good” but decided against straight-up lying to him. Thank goodness the waitress chose that moment to break up their little reunion.</p><p>Louis ordered a beer and found a seat, chatted a bit with his friends about work and catching up on their life, but soon found himself alone. Everyone had come with a partner. “Fantastic!” Louis muttered to himself. He figured he’d finish his beer and then sneak out.</p><p>The dance floor was packed. They were actually playing one of Louis’ favorite songs, but he just sat there tapping his foot. He was completely lost in thought when he saw <em>him</em>. His heart stopped for a second. He was sure of it. Then he felt like someone had punched him in the chest splintering his rib cage and tiny shards of bone were digging into his lungs. He forgot how to breathe because right there, a few meters from him was none other than Harry Styles dancing with a gorgeous blonde girl. Louis didn’t know what to do. He’d have to walk by them to leave. Harry had obviously not seen him yet, but Louis didn’t want to give him a chance to, not when his eyes were now filled with unshed tears. Why did this have to hurt so much? What had he been doing all of these weeks? He was so fucking bad at getting over Harry.</p><p>Harry was swaying along with the music, his big hands on her hips, while she put her face into the crook of his neck. Louis knew what that felt like. He’d been held that way before. He knew that Harry would smell like expensive cologne and a bit of sweat. He hadn’t forgotten his manly smell. His hair was longer, looked curlier. Louis needed air. He had to leave. He couldn’t sit there watching this scene anymore. He stood up and decided to bolt without a real strategy. His legs had a mind of their own.</p><p>Just as Louis thought he’d gotten away with it, he made the poor choice of looking back and their eyes connected. He could tell Harry inhaled sharply. He clearly hadn’t expected to see him either. Louis was sure he looked like a wreck, white as a ghost, sick to his stomach, red-rimmed, watery eyes and all.</p><p>He turned around and he had never been more grateful that his body took over because his mind was in shock and his heart was asking him to lay down on the ground and die.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Harry and Louis had met after footie practice. Louis had joined a new league and Harry was there with a friend. It wasn’t a meet-cute by any means. They were randomly sat next to each other and Louis dropped his phone. Harry later found and called one of his contacts who alerted Louis, they met up at a coffee shop, and the rest was history.</p><p>They had what Louis considered a great relationship and moving in together after a few months never felt like a big step. Both of their leases were up at the time and Louis’ place, while cheap, had been annoyingly far from his office. The first night in their new studio, they’d made love three times, each time swearing it’d be the last because they had work in the morning. In the end, words didn’t matter, they were like magnets. Louis had never felt like he fit with someone quite like that. Harry fucked like he lived, passionately, giving it his all. Louis couldn’t get enough of him.</p><p>Louis must have been so blind because he’d been willing to bet anything that Harry truly loved him; he felt it, until one day he didn’t. It was never entirely clear to him how things went so wrong and now he second-guessed everything Harry ever said or did. It felt so real to Louis, but how do you walk away from someone you love without so much as an explanation? Harry had started pulling away from him, spending more time outside of their home, hanging out with new friends, maybe? In a matter of weeks, he lost Harry and everything they had built together.</p><p>And as much as Louis tried to reconnect, to get his boyfriend to look at him like he once did, it wasn’t enough. When he realized talking to him in person was proving too difficult, he tried leaving notes for him that went completely ignored. Harry would hardly ever pick up his phone, but that didn’t stop Louis from leaving voicemails and sending him texts, until one day he gave up and accepted he couldn’t carry on with the relationship on his own.</p><p>When Harry reappeared and told Louis he was moving out, Louis was catatonic. He hadn’t seen Harry in over a week and though he knew they were over, Louis couldn’t help wanting to reach for him, but he didn’t know what to say or do to make him stay. He just sat on their couch while some reality show played in the background waiting for the love of his life to gather his things and leave him.</p><p>This is one of the things that haunted him for weeks after Harry left. Why didn’t he say something? Maybe if he’d said the right thing, he could’ve changed Harry’s mind. Didn’t he wish he could talk to him? And then when he had the opportunity, he choked and didn’t know how to ask Harry to love him again. Harry wasn’t his anymore, but he walked out of that apartment with Louis’ heart.   </p><p>---</p><p>Once Louis got home, he stripped to his boxers and pulled Harry’s old sweater from the donation bag that had been sitting in his closet for two whole months. It used to be Harry’s favorite and in his haste to leave, he’d neglected to check their laundry hamper.</p><p>Louis was sobbing and all he wanted was to go to sleep and get a few hours of relief from reality. He hugged the lavender sweater, fighting an internal battle he knew he was going to lose as soon as he dug it out. He put it on hoping to feel comforted but it felt scratchy and it didn’t smell like Harry anymore. It made him sob even harder.</p><p>When he heard a faint knock on his door, he was confused. Did Niall follow him home? He reached for his phone to check his messages but then he heard <em>him</em>, clear as day.</p><p>“Lou, it’s me, Harry. Please open the door.”</p><p>Louis wanted the ground to open up and swallow him whole. Why was he here? What did he even want? He tried to stay as quiet as possible and hoped Harry would go away.</p><p>“I need to make sure you’re ok. Please open the door. Please…” Harry said, the last word soft-spoken, but Louis still heard him.</p><p>He walked to the door and rested his hand on the wood willing it to disappear so he could touch Harry one more time. How could Louis still love him so much after he'd walked out of his life? He’d taught him how to love but then broke him.  </p><p>Louis scrunched his face willing the tears to stop. He took a deep breath and said, “I’m fine Harry.” It came out broken and he barely contained the sob at the end. He hoped Harry didn’t hear it.</p><p>“Louis please, I just need a minute, please,” Harry begged.</p><p>What was Louis supposed to do? His treacherous heart was still skipping a beat hearing Harry’s voice. He opened the door.</p><p>Louis knew he looked like a mess. His hair was flat and messy from putting the sweater on without much care, and his face wet with fresh tears that just wouldn’t stop pouring out of him. He didn’t dare lookup. He stared at Harry’s Chelsea boots. He’d given him those boots for Christmas.</p><p>“Please look at me,” Harry breathed out. He reached for Louis’s arm and Louis flinched and took a step back. But Harry was determined and stepped into the apartment and closed the door. He took off his boots while Louis just stood there hugging himself and looking at the ground.</p><p>“Louis you don’t look alright. Please let me help you. How can I help you?” Harry blurted out.</p><p>But Louis was frozen in place. Why was Harry here asking him questions and acting as he cared about him?</p><p>“I’m going to make you tea. Please go lay down Louis,” Harry pleaded.</p><p>Louis didn’t know what else to do, so he got in bed. He could hear Harry banging the cabinets. He was always so loud. God, he missed having a noisy apartment! Harry was always listening to music and talking. They had such a lovely life together. He closed his eyes and begged his body to go to sleep, but it was as if all of his nerve endings were on high alert. Harry was here.</p><p>“I made you chamomile because I think you need something to relax,” Harry said breaking Louis’ concentration. Was this really happening? And then Louis looked up and there he was. Beautiful as ever, tall and wonderful, holding a cup of steaming tea for Louis.</p><p>Harry set it on the bedside table and sat down on the bed. Louis followed his movements with his eyes. He could feel Harry’s body heat radiating off of him. Harry looked genuinely concerned.</p><p>“Why are you here Harry?” Louis asked after finding his voice.</p><p>“I mmm… you just looked so pale and I saw you stumble out of the bar by yourself. I would’ve followed you right away, to help you, but I had to pay my tab.”</p><p>“But why do you care?” Louis responded in an unrecognizable, broken voice.</p><p>“What do you mean? Why wouldn’t I care?” Harry responded with a surprised look on his face.</p><p>And that did it. Louis buried his face in the pillow and started sobbing again. Harry must have hesitated for a second, but then he put his hand on Louis’ back to comfort him and Louis didn’t have the energy to fight back. Then he felt Harry reach under him to bring him into his lap to hold him properly. Louis allowed himself to cry on his shoulder for a few minutes until Harry gently pulled his chin up. His eyes were charged with so many emotions and Louis wasn’t even surprised when Harry closed the gap and kissed him.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Yikes! Here comes a bit of smut. I tried guys, gals, and nonbinary pals. I really did try lol The fic is done, I'm just doing a final proofread, so I'll try to post the rest of the chapters in the next couple of days.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Harry’s mouth was warm and sweet. He must have had a fruity drink at the bar. His face felt slightly flushed when Louis caressed his cheek. The kiss was chaste at first, but Harry wasted no time nudging Louis’ lips with his tongue and deepening it. This just felt so natural, like they had never stopped. Louis was scratching lazily at Harry’s scalp, getting reacquainted with his curls.</p>
<p>He was a little delirious but was brought back to earth when he felt Harry get hard. He couldn’t help but moan a bit, blushing immediately. Harry squeezed his hip with purpose and sucked Louis' lower lip, stretching it ever so slightly. Louis felt more confident after that. He stood up and held onto Harry’s shoulders to straddle him. His head was spinning a little and they were both panting heavily. He thought his heart would beat out of his chest, but this felt right and his body craved it. He wasn’t strong enough to not get his fix now that he had Harry again. </p>
<p>He rolled his hips forward and their erections brushed roughly against each other. Louis squeezed his eyes shut and dropped his forehead on Harry’s shoulder. He couldn’t see and feel at the same time. It was sensory overload. Harry grabbed his ass assertively with his big hands and helped Louis rock into him.</p>
<p>After a couple of minutes, Harry stood up and Louis was so surprised that he yelped a bit and they both burst out laughing. Harry carefully laid him down on the bed and looked directly into Louis’ eyes. “Do you want this?” His intense gaze made Louis shiver.</p>
<p>“Yes,” Louis said without hesitation. He was uncertain about a lot of things in his life and their relationship, but every cell in his body was begging him to have Harry.</p>
<p>Harry helped Louis ease off of his sweater, caressing his hipbones and gently kissing his navel.</p>
<p>“Off,” Harry simply said pointing at Louis’ boxers and wasted no time losing his clothes.</p>
<p>Louis admired him for a second while he undressed the rest of the way and slowly reached for the elastic band of his boxers. This was happening. Harry looked every bit as beautiful as he remembered. A couple more tattoos he’d have to inspect later, but the laurel leaves were calling out to him right now.</p>
<p>Harry’s cock was thick and pink, a small bead of precum glistening on his tip, and Louis’ body felt on fire, his chest heaving. Louis’ dick twitched and that got Harry’s attention.</p>
<p>“Lay down for me baby,” Harry said with his deep, sultry voice. Louis decided not to dwell on the meaning of the pet name right now. There would be time to dissect this encounter later.</p>
<p>Harry leaned down to kiss Louis roughly. It was all teeth and desperation this time. He reached for Louis’ thigh and dragged his nails marking his skin. He was not in a teasing mood though, so when they came up for air, he dove in and took Louis’ erection with one firm hand at the base and brought the head into his mouth, and sucked HARD.</p>
<p>Louis arched his back and his eyes rolled back. He was in heaven. He must have certainly dropped dead and this was not happening in real life.</p>
<p>Harry was bobbing his head, sucking hard, and taking Louis in so deep. His mouth was hot and the way his lips stretched around Louis’ erection was sinful. This was going to be over in the next two minutes.</p>
<p>“Harry… ahh… H… I need you,” said Louis through gritted teeth.</p>
<p>So Harry let go of him with a pop that made Louis’ toes curl. With his left thumb, he started dryly rubbing Louis’ hole, and with his right he reached into his bedside table. It still had some of Harry’s knickknacks. He had no time to get embarrassed because Harry opened the cap with his teeth and poured a generous amount of lube on him.</p>
<p>Then without a word, he put his index finger into Louis, who spread his legs even wider and dug his heels on the mattress granting him better access. He started finger fucking him without much warning. Neither one was willing to wait. Louis would feel this in the morning, but in a sick, twisted way, he was already marveling at it.</p>
<p>After what could have been a few minutes or a century because Louis was on another dimension, Harry added a second finger, curling it just right and hitting Louis’ prostate and making him pant harder. Louis fucked himself on Harry’s fingers, which made the curly man smile a big toothy. After adding the third finger and stretching his lean fingers, Louis was writhing and he felt tears of a different variety springing from his eyes, so Harry took pity on him and lined himself. Their bodies felt hot pressed together and he swore he could feel Harry’s heartbeat on his own chest.</p>
<p>Harry bottomed out in one smooth thrust, grunting against Louis’ mouth, and punching the air out of him. He went back to kissing him roughly, holding his hips still to allow Louis to adjust. When Louis felt ready, he wrapped his legs tightly around Harry’s waist to give him a better angle, bringing him impossibly close to Louis in the process. And that was all the permission Harry needed to get to work.</p>
<p>Harry Styles had not come to play. He was fucking Louis like his life depended on it; as if he was trying to crawl into Louis and become one. Louis was whining low with each thrust, sucking hard on Harry’s neck and dragging his fingernails on Harry’s back.  He lost himself in the feeling and without an ounce of shame, he started begging for what he needed.</p>
<p>“AHH” pound… “FUCK” pound… “RIGHT” pound… “THERE”</p>
<p>And then Louis came untouched shouting Harry’s name and squeezing an orgasm from the other man. Harry rolled to the side and brought Louis close to his chest. They were panting still and Louis buried his face into the crook of Harry’s neck. He closed his eyes for a moment, so content, and without intending to, he fell asleep.</p>
<p>--</p>
<p>Louis stirred in bed without opening his eyes. He stretched and his body felt a very good kind of sore. He smiled to himself. Then he reached over to Harry’s side of the bed and it was cold. He frowned and opened his eyes only to confirm that nobody was there.</p>
<p>“Harry?” Louis asked to the empty apartment. “What the hell?” He sat up on the bed, his comforter pooling around his waist. The place wasn’t big enough to lose someone. He checked the time. It was barely 6:30 am. Harry must have left in the middle of the night.  </p>
<p>And then Louis felt it. The new twinge of pain in his already bruised heart. He forcefully threw his upper body back and grunted in frustration. Then he looked over to the bedside table and noticed a note under the cup of cold chamomile tea he never got around to drinking.</p>
<p>He reached over and there were only two words scrawled on the otherwise blank page, “I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>Louis held it close to his chest and laid back down closing his stinging eyes. What the hell was going on? Why did Harry come here, fuck him into oblivion, and then left in the middle of the night? He had now been abandoned twice and this time he felt used. He was so damn stupid! He curled up on his side sobbing and trembling. He covered his face with the comforter, tears soaking his pillow, as he begged his body to go back to sleep.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When he woke up again, his phone was beeping with a text from Niall asking him if he was alright. He’d left without telling his friends and they were concerned. Liam had texted him a little after 10 pm asking him if he’d made it home safely. Nobody had a clue Louis nearly had a nervous breakdown on the dancing floor.</p>
<p>He’d managed to fall asleep after his crying fit, but his head was pounding and his mouth felt like he’d swallowed a cotton ball. When he got up and felt sticky from the previous night’s activities, he felt a very different kind of dirty. He wondered for a minute if the blonde from the bar was Harry’s new girlfriend. It made him shudder and close his eyes. He took the world’s hottest shower to scald his skin clean and got dressed in his most comfortable sweats. Harry’s lavender sweater was mocking him next to the bed, and without hesitation, he picked it up and threw it out the window. He decided not to delay the inevitable and confess his sins, but he needed his closest friend for that.</p>
<p>
  <em>Louis 11:34 am</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Morning! I’m alive but barely... Pizza at my place for lunch?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Niall 11:35 am</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>What happened?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Louis 11:36 am</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Please come…</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Niall 11:36 am</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I’m on my way</em>
</p>
<p>“Care to explain why there was a sweater outside your building?” Niall said as a greeting.</p>
<p>“Ughh why can’t I get rid of him?” Louis shrieked.</p>
<p>“I need to know what’s going on Tommo. Where’d you go last night? You look rough,” Niall said taking a seat.</p>
<p>“Pfff well thank you Ni.” Louis rolled his bloodshot eyes. “But I have a perfectly good reason for it. It’s about Harry.”</p>
<p>“Did you call him last night? You were barely drinking”</p>
<p>“Worse… he was there at the bar,” Louis said as he laid back staring at the wall. “Mmm… you’d all gone dancing and I was sitting at the table, drinking my beer, minding my business when I saw him dancing with some girl. And honestly, I’m having a hard time thinking of a worst-possible reunion.”</p>
<p>“No fucking way! Why didn’t you get one of us? Did he see you?”</p>
<p>“Oh, he saw me alright! I stumbled out of the bar like a maniac and he followed me home.”</p>
<p>“Hold up, he followed you home? What about the girl?” Niall asked incredulously.</p>
<p>“I’ve got no clue. He didn’t say. He showed up, begged me to let him in, said he was worried about me and I was truly having a meltdown. God, I’m such a mess!” Louis said rubbing his hands on his face.</p>
<p>“Ok…” Niall narrowed his eyes. “Did you talk at all?”</p>
<p>“No, because one minute he was comforting me and making me tea… and the next he… I mean we… kissed,” Louis stammered, getting a little red on his cheeks.</p>
<p>“TOMMO! What the… Did you fuck? What am I saying? Of course, you fucked!” Niall shouted. “Well did something happen? I don’t mean mmm… the act itself, spare me the details, but I mean after.”</p>
<p>“Well we cuddled a bit and I must’ve fallen asleep and then I woke up to this.” Louis reached over for the note and handed it to Niall.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry? What kind of fucked up person leaves their boyfriend without an explanation, shows up out of nowhere, fucks them, and then leaves AGAIN and only says ‘sorry!’” Niall said enraged.</p>
<p>“Fuck do I know? This is happening to me and it doesn’t even feel real.”</p>
<p>“Well… now what?” Niall asked.</p>
<p>“Why are you asking me for? I’m paying for the pizza so you can tell ME what to do.”</p>
<p>“Tommo you know what I think. Harry is messed up. We don’t know why, but something happened and he lost it, ok? He’s not the person you were with. I knew him, he was my friend too, and the fucker just checked out. We’ve talked about this. Whatever it is that made him leave then had nothing to do with you. I feel like I need to keep reminding you of this because there’s nothing you could’ve done to make him stay and my advice to you right now, is to put this behind you and move on with your life,” Niall said slapping him gently on the knee.</p>
<p>--</p>
<p>A couple of months had passed since <em>that</em> tragic night. The first few days Louis had thought he was going to go deeper into his depression, but he had better tools now. He’d sadly gone through a Harry withdrawal before and knew that the sharp pain would turn dull if given enough time and with the right distractions. He’d decided to take it as a momentary lapse in judgment. He focused on his work, took up journaling, and even decided to start playing footie again. It wasn’t easy most days, but he really took to heart Niall’s advice this time. It wouldn’t be an easy fix, he still loved Harry so incredibly much, but Harry wasn’t his anymore. He couldn’t keep letting him live rent-free in his head while his life was passing him by.</p>
<p>And speaking of rent, the lease on his apartment was finally up and Louis decided he couldn’t keep living with the ghost of their past a minute longer. He’d gone to see several apartments, but since he didn’t want roommates again, he had to settle on a place further north. He’d have to get up 10 minutes earlier, but it was worth it to get a fresh start and not have to share a bathroom. The neighborhood was a bit older, more family-oriented as far as Louis could tell. There was a nice park near his new building and he was planning on going on runs there once he was settled in. Niall and Liam helped him pack and get everything into the moving truck and then unload everything else into his new apartment. He repaid them in pizza and beer. Niall only complained three times, so he counted it as a win.</p>
<p>The next day, he was mostly unpacked but wanted a break, so he’d ask his sister Lottie to meet him for brunch at a place she loved in his new neighborhood. He was running a few minutes late and was cursing himself for thinking he’d remember the address. He knew he was close but now he had to look up directions again. He was walking distractedly and looking down at his phone when he nearly crashed into an opening door.</p>
<p>“Shit!” Louis screamed, getting startled and dropping his cell. He automatically reached down to get it where it’d landed at someone’s feet but then he froze when he saw THE Chelsea boots. His mouth involuntarily opened and his eyes widened comically as he looked up. The universe was a cruel motherfucker because once again, there was Harry Styles standing in front of him.</p>
<p>“Sorry, sorry,” Harry said quickly.</p>
<p>“Yeah…mmm…” stuttered Louis and sprung up and got a good look at Harry who was holding a baby. So his shock morphed into confusion. The baby was bundled up in a coat fit for the November weather, but when she turned her little face to look at Louis, he thought he was going to throw up. He took a step back and bumped into someone. He couldn’t even muster an apology because Harry was holding a miniature version of himself. The baby had green eyes, tiny brunette curls were sticking out of her hat and Louis could even see the tiniest hint of a dimple.</p>
<p>He looked back at Harry with horror in his eyes.</p>
<p>“Louis, Louis, please listen, to me. It’s not what you think. Louis!” Harry yelled.</p>
<p>But Louis had already taken off half running, unsure if he was going in the right direction. His hands were shaking and the shock wasn’t allowing him to process the information properly. His phone ran and made him snap out of his trance. It was his sister.</p>
<p>“Hey Lou, where are you? Oh never mind, I see you!” and she waved him over.</p>
<p>Louis walked over on autopilot. She knew right away something was wrong.</p>
<p>“Louis, what happened? Talk to me. Let’s go to the restaurant. I think you need to sit down.”</p>
<p>Lottie asked for a booth near the back so they could have some privacy and once they were settled, she ordered him a tea and an omelet. Louis sat there, a shell of himself, unwilling to open his mouth for fear of screaming in public.</p>
<p>“Lou, would you please talk to me? You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” Lottie said with a sadness in her voice Louis was familiar with. He was sick of his loved ones feeling sorry for him. He took a deep breath and willed himself to speak with a steady voice.</p>
<p>“I just ran into Harry on the way here.”</p>
<p>“Oh, Lou… well did he say something to you? was he with someone?” Lottie asked carefully.</p>
<p>“He didn’t say anything. He barely got a chance to see me. But Lottie…” Louis bit his lip and furrowed his brow because he felt tears threatening to come. “He was holding a baby who looked exactly like him.”</p>
<p>Lottie was speechless for a second. “How old was the baby?”</p>
<p>“I’m not sure… little,” he replied shrugging. “Didn’t look like a newborn but less than a year old, maybe? I’m not sure Lots.”</p>
<p>“Wow! So, do you think this was his baby for sure?”</p>
<p>“I’d bet anything that she was. It was a little girl,” he said, wiping the single tear that had rolled down his cheek.</p>
<p>“Louis I’m not even sure what to say. Are you thinking he cheated on you?” she asked.</p>
<p>It stung, but he supposed that had been his first thought too. Why else would it hurt this bad? Louis couldn’t find his voice to respond, so he nodded instead.</p>
<p>--</p>
<p>He asked his friends over that night, retelling the story hadn’t gotten any easier. They were stunned. Even Niall didn’t know what to say.</p>
<p>“I guess I always knew it was a possibility,” Louis said, addressing the elephant in the room.</p>
<p>“Fucker! I would’ve punched him,” Niall replied in anger.</p>
<p>“I didn’t even know how to react. He was just standing there with the baby, looking at me like I was the last person he’d ever expect to see. I’ve been begging the universe for an explanation for all of these months, so I guess you got to be careful what you ask for, right?” Louis said bitterly.</p>
<p>“No, no Louis, you still haven’t gotten an explanation. This is so odd!” Liam said while lightly punching the throw pillow on his lap.</p>
<p>“Well, what other explanation can you think of? I’d seen Gemma back in February for Harry’s birthday. She was definitely not pregnant then. I highly doubt Anne has gone and had a secret baby,” Louis said.</p>
<p>“Of course not, but was the kid an infant? Are you sure she wasn’t older?”</p>
<p>“No, it couldn’t have been older than one. And even if she was older Ni, is it any better that he had a child I knew nothing about? I was with him for a year!”</p>
<p>Liam cleared his throat then and took a second to look back and forth between Niall and Louis.</p>
<p>“I know this might be an unpopular opinion. Please don’t hate me for it. But have you considered calling the guy and asking him? He really owes you an explanation for a lot of things. I don’t think after what happened it’d be unheard of.”</p>
<p>Louis let out all of the air from his lungs.</p>
<p>“Part of me wants to know, but we aren’t together anymore Liam. We haven’t been together for months. For one, I’m not sure if I can take his rejection again. It’s not like I’m expecting him to drop to his knees and beg to get back together. Any illusion of that happening was crushed the last time we saw each other. But, he’s also had plenty of time to explain. Why would he do it now?” Louis said biting his lips.</p>
<p>“Well… I think Liam is right,” Niall said confidently.</p>
<p>“You what?” Louis was so confused. “Haven’t you been telling me to forget the guy even existed for the last few months?”</p>
<p>“I know I have and has it worked?” Niall asked.</p>
<p>“Well, I feel a lot better, and I look better, don’t I?” Louis replied.</p>
<p>“I think you’re definitely doing better Louis. I’m not saying you’re still depressed. I basically had to force feed you for three months. I’m proud of you for moving, prioritizing your mental health, and making better choices, but… you still love him,” Niall explained apologetically.</p>
<p>Louis laid back against his couch and covered his eyes with his arm. He huffed and puffed a few times. His friends were quiet.</p>
<p>“Ok, ok! I will unblock his number and text him,” said Louis.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It took Louis a couple of days to gather up the courage to text Harry. Niall also might’ve told him on their lunch break he ought to quit being a coward and get it over with. Niall's tough love was going to be the death of him one of these days.</p>
<p>
  <em>Louis 4:38 pm</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Hey, this is Louis. Can we talk?”</em>
</p>
<p>Louis stared at his phone for a minute but the text went unread. He swallowed hard and bounced his leg impatiently. It’d be his luck if Harry had gotten a new number. He decided to go back to the layout he’d been working on and if Harry didn’t respond, then he’d take that as a sign and find a different way to carry on with his life.</p>
<p>
  <em>Harry 5:45 pm</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I’m sure you have questions.”</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Louis 5:45 pm</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“You could say that. I’d rather do this face to face. Can we meet tonight?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Harry 5:46 pm</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Mmm… I really want to talk but can’t this week because I have my daughter. You could come to mine”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Harry 5:46 pm</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I know it’s a lot to ask. You can tell me to fuck off”</em>
</p>
<p>Fuck! There it was confirmed in writing. The baby was his daughter. That was one question answered without much prodding, but it made him want to know the whole truth even more. Louis considered his options. He didn’t feel he should be accommodating Harry. He should’ve been the one to come to Louis, but if he wanted answers now, he was going to have to suck it up. Talking to Harry on his turf made him feel very uneasy, but waiting a whole week for answers would be even worse.</p>
<p>
  <em>Louis 5:55 pm</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Text me the address”</em>
</p>
<p>Harry’s place was surprisingly close to his new apartment, which was probably why they’d ran into each other. When he got there he needed a few minutes to gather himself up. He didn’t want this to turn into a scene. He was there for answers and closure. He was also painfully aware that the baby would be there but was hoping she’d be asleep.</p>
<p>He was about to ring the doorbell but there was a PostIt! over it with the words “Baby sleeping.” It was Harry’s handwriting. Leave to Harry to be a cliché dad who worries about sleep schedules. He debated for less than 10 seconds before he saw Harry peek through the window and unlock the door. Louis took a cleansing breath, but his heart was still rabbiting in his chest and he felt a knot in his throat at the prospect of seeing Harry again.</p>
<p>“Please come in. I’m sorry for making you come here. I have May with me this week and I don’t have a babysitter yet. Kendall is away for work,” he said with a strained tone of voice.</p>
<p>Louis nodded and his mind was already going a mile a minute. Kendall was May’s mother. Harry’s ex… or was she an ex? He swallowed hard trying not to get ahead of himself. He took his coat off and hung it on the rack, then removed his shoes and set them carefully by the door. They stared at each other wordlessly for a bit. Harry looked comfortable in sweatpants and a white t-shirt. His hair was pinned back by some sort of hair clip at the top of his head and he had grown a little scruff. He was barefoot. Louis was sure he wasn’t expecting company today.</p>
<p>“Want something to drink?” Harry offered.</p>
<p>“Water, please,” Louis barely got out. He needed something to help dislodge his heart from his throat.</p>
<p>While Harry went to the kitchen, Louis stood awkwardly wondering what to do. He scanned the room and noticed the apartment didn’t look like anything Harry would’ve ever picked. Their old apartment was very white and modern and this one was better suited for a family, comfortable and homely. There were pictures of the baby around the living room and toys in a few bins on the corner, but no signs of Kendall.</p>
<p>“Thank you,” Louis said when Harry returned.</p>
<p>“Can I offer something to eat? I have leftovers.” </p>
<p>“Look Harry, I appreciate the hospitality, but we both know this isn’t a social visit. This is difficult for me. I’m not really sure I should even be here…”</p>
<p>“I promise you’ll get answers, but let’s sit down so I can explain, ok?” Harry interrupted.</p>
<p>Louis pursed his lips, stared at his feet for a second, and walked over the few steps to the living room.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry you found out about May the way you did,” Harry started. “I know what you’re thinking. And no, I didn’t cheat on you. She’s only ten months. I was a bastard, I know that, but I didn’t cheat on you.”</p>
<p>Louis looked him in the eye. Once upon a time, when he thought he knew Harry, he was certain he could tell when he was lying. He never caught him on a big one, but he’d always known when he was up to something. Harry looked tired and unsettled. Doing quick calculations in his head though, ten months didn’t leave a lot of wiggle room. Louis reached for his glass of water, closed his eyes, taking a second to concentrate on his breathing. He decided he needed to ask one of his other burning questions.</p>
<p>“Did you know about her when we were together?”</p>
<p>Harry looked pained and embarrassed to open up to Louis, but determined to get it all out in the open.</p>
<p>“Yes and no. I found out in February that Kendall had had a baby. She didn’t tell me she was pregnant though. I met May when she was over a month old,” Harry explained. “You know Kendall and I had an on-and-off relationship and we had been on right before I met you. She was very upset when I broke up with her. We were on different pages about the relationship and we didn’t part on good terms Louis. Then I met you and I didn’t talk to her again until she contacted me almost a year later. Once May was born, she had a change of heart and realized keeping her from me was petty and that May deserved to have a dad,” Harry said, looking at Louis apologetically.</p>
<p>“So, you found out you had a child in February?” Louis recapped, mostly because his brain was having a hard time processing. His heart throbbed with the knowledge that Harry learned he was a father and kept it from him for weeks while they were together.  </p>
<p>“I’m aware you’re not going to like what I have to say, but the short answer is, I didn’t know how to tell you. At first, I wasn’t even sure if May was my baby. Gemma told me I should get a paternity test and Kendall was very upset with me, but eventually, she agreed to it, and I mean you’ve seen her. I’d be ridiculous to think otherwise now, but the lab confirmed she was mine,” Harry said staring at the set of pictures on his mantle.</p>
<p>Louis inevitably followed his gaze to the pictures of May, some with Gemma and Anne. She did have Harry’s dimples. She had a little button nose and her hair was a bit darker though.</p>
<p>“I decided not to bring it up until I had the results,” Harry continued, “but by then it’d been weeks and I was feeling extremely guilty, and I’d also been avoiding you because I knew you’d just see right through me. At that point, I was desperately trying to find a way to keep us and to explain the shit show my life had become. I didn’t want you to think I’d cheated on you but the timeline is tight Louis. I know it is. Please believe me, I didn’t cheat on you,” Harry begged, hanging his head in defeat.</p>
<p>Louis thought carefully about how to respond. As weary as he felt of trusting Harry, he was here for answers and if Louis chose not to believe him, then he wouldn’t get closure. Harry could be lying, but what would he gain from it now that everything was out in the open? To save face? He’d already been caught as a liar and it didn’t change a thing of how things had gone down.</p>
<p>“I’m… I think I believe you,” Louis said, trying to keep his voice even, but it still cracked a bit at the end. He didn’t dare look at Harry though, choosing to focus on the ground instead.</p>
<p>“Thank you. I promise on May’s life it’s the truth,” Harry said, obvious relief in his voice. “I was in denial and upset and at first, I was trying to spare you the worry. I wasn’t sure how to explain something I was having a hard time understanding myself. I went from being in a relationship with you to having a baby out here in the world with someone else in a single day. Once I had the results confirming I was her father though, I fully felt the weight of it and I knew I had to set you free.</p>
<p>I was no longer the man you thought I was. I’d kept secrets from you. Secrets that you now, regretfully, know despite my best efforts to spare you. I walked out because I was selfish. I was afraid you wouldn’t believe me and you’d go through life thinking I was capable of intentionally hurting you like that. And we’re so young! You didn’t sign up to raise my baby. In the best possible scenario, you would’ve believed me and forgiven me, but it wouldn’t have changed the fact that I have to co-parent with Kendall. I would’ve had to bring her into our lives too. We’d only been living together for a few months and I was going to have to get a two-bedroom apartment, move farther away to afford it. All of a sudden, I was thinking about daycares and May’s needs and my life wasn’t just mine anymore,” Harry said, reaching for his own glass of water and taking a sip. He cleared his throat before continuing.</p>
<p>“I’m so sorry for hurting you, Louis. I had every intention of loving you the right way. You deserve that and more,” Harry said sincerely. His eyes were red-rimmed and Louis could see his hands were shaking.</p>
<p>The room felt charged. Louis had a deep ache in his chest and his eyes fucking burned. His body was begging him to hug Harry. Loving Harry was inherent to Louis and right now he looked defeated and torn. Louis was starting to lose his resolve. Harry looked at him and begged him wordlessly. Louis’ head made a minuscule movement agreeing. Harry stood up and knelt on the floor beside him, resting his forehead on Louis’ lap. His breathing was labored and Louis felt an intense urge to caress his head.</p>
<p>Then they both heard it, just a bit of whimpering coming from one of the bedrooms. Harry tensed and held his breath, but May started full-on crying a second later. He looked up at Louis, wiped a tear with his thumb, and said, “Please give me a minute. I just need to help her settle down. I’ll be right back,” and quickly stood up and walked over to what must have been the nursery.</p>
<p>May’s crying made Louis come to terms with reality. He was confused and they were both hurt and needed comfort because it’s what had always felt natural to them. And even though Harry could be the one to make him feel better right now, he was also the reason why he needed to feel better in the first place.</p>
<p>Not tonight though. He went to the kitchen and ripped a page from the grocery list notepad and scribbled,</p>
<p>
  <em>“Thank you for finally being honest with me. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>L.”</em>
</p>
<p>He quietly snuck out of the apartment.</p>
<p>
  <strong>--</strong>
</p>
<p>On Wednesday, he called in sick because he wasn’t able to sleep for more than a couple of hours the night before. He kept replaying everything that had gone on, every word Harry had said. He wasn’t even sure if he’d wanted things to go differently. He went for answers, got his answers, and now it was time to move on with his life, wasn’t it? But the matters of the heart are never quite so black and white.</p>
<p>When he went back to work on Thursday, Niall dropped everything he was doing as soon as Louis walked in and stood up to hug him.</p>
<p>“You talked to him, didn’t you?” Niall asked with a solemn expression on his face.</p>
<p>Louis swallowed hard and nodded.</p>
<p>“Do you want to talk about it now? Do you want to come over to mine after work? What do you need from us?” Niall said without hesitating.</p>
<p>“I think I need to get through the workday first. Make sure Liam comes over please,” Louis replied.</p>
<p>Louis didn’t allow himself to overthink anymore. He was swamped with work, even needing to catch up on what he’d missed the day before. He was grateful that his work required him to concentrate so much, it felt like a much-needed break from his personal life. But he still shut down his computer and rushed over to Niall’s right at six.</p>
<p>Liam was already there and he was so grateful for his friends. They gave him a group hug and a beer and Louis just put it all out there. He revisited the night with Harry and retold everything that had gone on. He was proud of himself for not crying despite how much he was still hurting.</p>
<p>“Well Lou, I’m not entirely sure what to say. On the one hand, Harry was an asshole to you. You’re my friend and I don’t want to hear his excuses. On the other, well shit! I don’t know if I’d act like a mature adult if someone showed up at my doorstep and said ‘Surprise! You’re a daddy!’”</p>
<p>“Well, that I get. I nearly hurled when I saw her and she isn’t even my baby. I can think of very few 21-year-olds who’d be mature enough in a situation like that,” agreed Louis.</p>
<p>“But you don’t walk out on someone you love. I don’t care how old you are. Everyone knows if you love someone, you give them the respect they deserve,” Liam added, furrowing his brow.</p>
<p>“Yeah, yeah. I don’t know what I’d say to Amelia if I had a love child I knew nothing about. But of course, I’d talk to her,” Niall said.</p>
<p>“Did he simply think you’d not give him a chance? Or did he want to give it another go with his ex?” Liam asked.</p>
<p>“No, he didn’t mention they were in a relationship again. He said they co-parent May. In a way, it’s worse than that. He said he didn’t want to inconvenience my life by asking me to accept her,” Louis explained closing his eyes for a beat. “Like what am I supposed to do with that information? If he hadn’t hurt me so badly, I’d want to encourage him to see his own value,” Louis shook his head and rubbed his palms on his face in frustration.</p>
<p>“Lou… you obviously still love him. It’s clear as day, but I’m glad you put yourself first and walked out of there before something else happened,” Niall said, reaching over and squeezing his thigh.</p>
<p>“I hated leaving like that. But I didn’t think we were in a position to continue with the conversation. We were both hurting and he’d opened up. I got my answers. I don’t like or pretend to understand his motivations for ‘sparing me,’ but I see things very differently. I was all in.”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry about how things went down Lou, I really am. The more you tell us, the more I think you got caught in Harry’s internal battle. I’m sure he knew you loved him, don’t doubt yourself,” Liam added, giving him a one-arm hug.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Louis woke up feeling energized. It was a cold December day, but the sun was shining and he decided to stop by the new bakery on his way to work. Niall would surely appreciate a coffee and a treat. He ran down the stairs and pulled a funny face for a couple of neighborhood little kids outside his building.</p>
<p>It’d been almost a month since he’d ran into Harry. He hadn’t made further attempts to talk to him, even though Harry had texted him saying he was really sorry their talk got interrupted. Louis was trying hard not to read too much into it though. This was the chapter in his life where he was supposed to move forward. He'd slowly began to remember the things he loved and had given up and was laughing more genuinely. If Louis got really introspective, he could see the signs that he was still hurting because his heart was still set on loving Harry and he missed him, BUT Louis was putting one foot in front of the other, determined to not let his happiness be controlled by someone else.</p>
<p>He was about to walk into the bakery when his phone started ringing. He cursed under his breath because he didn’t have much time to waste, dug the cell out of his pants, and stared at the screen for a second. It was an unknown number.</p>
<p>“Hello,” Louis answered impatiently.</p>
<p>“Hi, is this Lewis Tomlinson?” a woman said curtly.</p>
<p>“This is Louis. How can I help you?” he replied.</p>
<p>“I’m calling from Northwestern General Hospital. You’re listed as the emergency contact for Harry Styles. I’m sorry to inform you he was in a car accident earlier today. He’s in stable condition but we need you to come over as soon as possible.”</p>
<p>Louis stood there feeling all the color drain from his face. Harry had been in an accident.</p>
<p>“Mr. Tomlinson? Are you still there?”</p>
<p>“Yes,” Louis responded. “I’m on my way.”</p>
<p>Louis ended the call and automatically started walking, feeling as though he needed to spring into action. Just a minute later though, he realized he needed to get an UBER. The hospital was close enough but it’d take too long to walk there. He was in a state of shock but managed to stop, lean against a shop wall and get a car. It luckily didn’t take very long to arrive and once he was on the way, he remembered he’d been on his way to work, so he texted Niall.</p>
<p>
  <em>Louis 9:01 am</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Harry's been in a car accident. I’m on my way to the hospital. Will text later”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Niall 9:02 am</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Fuck! I hope he’s alright. Let me know how he’s doing”</em>
</p>
<p>He took a deep breath. He was going to have to call Gemma. He debated whether to call Anne directly, but Gemma was cooler headed. She could probably go get Anne and drive her to the hospital. His finger hovered over her contact for a second, he swallowed hard and pressed it quickly. He brought the phone to his ear, closed his eyes, bit his knuckle, and waited.</p>
<p>“Hi, Louis! What a pleasant surprise!” Gemma answered cheerfully.</p>
<p>“I’m so sorry to call you like this, but Harry's been in a car accident. I think he’s alright though, so don’t panic,” Louis quickly added. “They told me he was stable, but I’m on my way to the hospital now.”</p>
<p>“OMG! Are you sure he’s fine? What did they say?” Gemma responded.</p>
<p>Louis could hear her walking around, a closet door slamming, and keys dangling.</p>
<p>“I don’t know a lot. The lady just said he was stable and to please come to the hospital as soon as possible. I’m in an UBER right now, about 10 minutes away,” he said checking out the window to see the intersection signs. “I didn’t want to call Anne directly. I figured you could go get her at the school and tell her in person.”</p>
<p>“You did the right thing. Thank you so much, Louis! I think we can be there by 10:30 or 11. Please call me the minute you know more about his condition,” Gemma said.</p>
<p>“I will. Please drive safe!” Louis replied and ended the call. The rest of the trip to the hospital went by painfully slow. He couldn’t stop thinking about Harry laying in a hospital bed. He was stable, but what did that mean? Was he badly hurt? He tried calling Harry but got his answering machine straight away.</p>
<p>Louis didn’t even wait for the UBER driver to come to a full stop before he was reaching for the door handle. He jumped out and heard the guy say “Good luck,” before he slammed the door shut and rushed towards the ER information desk.</p>
<p>“Hi, my name is Louis Tomlinson. I'm here for Harry Styles.”</p>
<p>“Mr. Tomlinson, yes, thank you for coming so quickly.”</p>
<p>“Can I see him? Was he injured? Is he ok?” Louis said, his hands visibly shaking.</p>
<p>“Take a deep breath for me,” the clerk said. “I’ll take you right to him. Follow me through these doors please.”</p>
<p>They didn’t have to walk very far. The clerk was efficient and simply gave Louis a tight smile pointing towards the other end of the room.</p>
<p>“Mr. Styles, your emergency contact is here,” she said reaching for the privacy curtain.</p>
<p>Harry looked so small on the ER gurney. Louis instinctively went up to him and took his hand. Harry was cold. His leg was in a splint, his face bruised and his left hand looked a bit swollen. Harry gave Louis a grateful look.</p>
<p>“Harry, are you alright? What happened?”</p>
<p>“Excuse me, Mr. Tomlinson,” the lady interrupted. “I’ll give you two some privacy.” Then she addressed Harry, “We’ll move you to a room in a little bit. Dr. Salem will come to talk to you about your leg a little later.”</p>
<p>“Thank you,” Louis responded and turned to look at Harry expectantly.</p>
<p>“I think I’m OK. They just brought me back from getting x-rays. I think I broke my leg and I hurt my hand a bit. They think I have a concussion. Everything hurts obviously, but they hooked me up to some pain medication, so it’s not terrible.”</p>
<p>“Oh, Harry! How awful!” Louis winced and rested his hand on his shoulder to comfort him.</p>
<p>“Thanks for coming. I don’t have my phone. I think I lost it in the accident. Could you call my mom? Actually, call Gemma,” Harry said, thinking better of it.</p>
<p>“I already did. She’s on her way to get your mom right now,” Louis responded but was interrupted by a nurse who came to let them know Harry’s room was ready.</p>
<p>He intended to let go of Harry’s hand when they were going to wheel him away, but Harry held on and Louis didn’t put up a fight. He wasn’t sure what information he'd been hoping to hear, and while a broken leg and a concussion didn’t sound like terribly uncommon injuries, he was still worried sick about Harry.</p>
<p>Once he was settled in his new room, Harry fell asleep within a few minutes. He was probably exhausted from the commotion and pain medication. Louis reached for his phone again. It was 9:45 am. He shot a quick text to Niall explaining the situation and called Gemma who was already on her way to the hospital with Anne. They were both relieved to hear Harry was not seriously injured.</p>
<p>Louis moved a small chair closer to Harry’s bed, rested his head on the bed, grabbing Harry’s hand once again, and shed a few grateful tears.</p>
<p>--</p>
<p>Three days later, Louis found himself sitting in Harry’s living room once again. He wasn’t certain how he had ended up here, yet not only was Louis at Harry’s apartment, but he was also sat on the floor stacking foam alphabet blocks so May could knock them down. She’d clap excitedly, her tiny dimples in full display, every time they came tumbling down. What crime had he committed in a previous life to end up like this?</p>
<p>“Louis darling, I’ve left several dishes in the fridge for the next week,” Anne said while reaching for her coat. “I’m so thankful you’re here to help them. Please call me if it gets to be too much. We will all understand and try to work something else out. You’re going above and beyond the line of duty here.”</p>
<p>Louis stood up and picked May up to bring her over to her grandma so they could say goodbye.</p>
<p>“I’ll come back next Saturday with more food and Gemma might be able to leave the event early on Wednesday to give you a break, yeah?” Anne continued. She looked anxious to leave, but Louis was a bona fide people pleaser.</p>
<p>“Go, go! We all know you’d stay if you could. We’ll be fine,” Louis added.</p>
<p>May chose that moment to get a hold of Louis’ nose and giggled. Anne smiled widely at the scene.</p>
<p>“Oh my sweetie pie, please behave for Louis, ok?” Anne added lovingly and she gave May a kiss on the forehead. “Ok, I will see you on Saturday. Bye!” and she rushed out the door.</p>
<p>Louis looked at May who was still smiling and sat her down on her play mat. He was doing this! He was staying in this house with his ex for the next week.</p>
<p>At first, they all had been over the moon that Harry was alive and his injuries weren’t severe, but then Dr. Salem had come in and explained the reality of the situation. Harry would be unable to bear any weight on his leg for the next four weeks. Then, he’d probably need to wear a boot and attend physical therapy sessions for weeks to follow. In short, he was going to need a lot of help.</p>
<p>The situation got a bit more complicated because they were so close to the holidays. Anne was the principal at an elementary school and lived about an hour away. They were due to go on winter break in a week. She'd be able to go on leave, but due to the administrative rules, it’d be more practical for her to finish the quarter, use her vacation days to help Harry, and start her leave in January.</p>
<p>Gemma was also struggling to get time off. She was an event coordinator and the holidays were crazy busy for her. She repeated a million times how sorry she was and that she’d be fully available after January 1<sup>st</sup>, but she couldn’t commit to helping Harry full time right this minute.</p>
<p>Then there was May. You’d think her own mother would be able to watch her while Harry recovered, but Kendall was currently out of the country for a very important photo shoot in the Caribbean. Because yes! the universe hated Louis, and Kendall had turned out to be a freaking model. So of course Louis had volunteered to stay with Harry because it wouldn’t be a big deal for him to get time off and he was a masochist. He knew Niall would have a heavier workload, but things would be manageable without him leading up to Christmas. And yes, he knew this whole thing would likely turn into a shit show, but Harry needed help and nobody else would be crazy enough to agree to care for Harry AND his baby. Sigh!</p>
<p>“Louis, is mom gone?” Harry called out from his bedroom.</p>
<p>Louis walked over to Harry’s room and knocked on the door.</p>
<p>“Come in,” Harry said. He still sounded a bit groggy.</p>
<p>“Yes, sorry! You just missed her. She left a lot of food in the fridge and she said she’ll be back on Saturday,” Louis explained.</p>
<p>“Oh ok,” Harry said attempting to sit up.</p>
<p>“Hey let me help you.” Louis put May down in her pack and play and hurried to help Harry get comfortable.</p>
<p>Harry winced a little and reached for his water bottle. Louis was unsure how else to help him and stood awkwardly waiting for him to let him know.</p>
<p>“I wish I could tell you how much I appreciate what you’re doing and that I don’t need your help, but the pain killers are still making me feel so tired and I don’t trust myself to care for May by myself,” Harry lamented.</p>
<p>“You were just in a car accident. Ok? I’m here for you and May,” Louis added blushing slightly.</p>
<p>At the sound of her name, May started to make exasperated little huffs. Louis was realizing she didn’t like to be left unattended. “Da-da,” she said a couple of times. She pulled herself up to stand and looked at Louis.</p>
<p>“I know May, you want your daddy. We have to be so gentle with him though. Daddy has ouchies,” Louis explained while pointing at Harry’s leg.</p>
<p>He carefully picked her up and looked over at Harry. The only way to get her close to Harry, was for Louis himself to get in bed with them. He guessed he could sit on the edge of the bed to make sure May didn’t accidentally rollover.</p>
<p>“Hi, my darling!” Harry said. “I’ve missed hanging out with you so much. Is Louis taking good care of you?” Harry asked.</p>
<p>May was over the moon happy, kicking her little legs on the way to sit next to Harry. Louis’ heart was melting at the scene. Harry was such a sweet dad and May clearly loved him so much. Louis was in deep trouble.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The first couple of days had been awkward as fuck. Harry had been loopy and hadn’t really wanted to move much, but now that he’d been weaning off the pain killers, he was more alert. Louis wasn’t sure how they were supposed to coexist together. Initially, he’d tried to sleep on the couch, but then his back had protested enough that he asked Niall to bring him an inflatable mattress.</p>
<p>“Louis I hope you realize this is crazy. I’ve always known you had martyrdom tendencies, but this is something else,” Niall said furrowing his brows.</p>
<p>“I KNOW IT IS!” Louis said whisper yelling, but that seemed to startle May a little. “Sorry love,” he said swaying her gently. She was resting on his hip like she had been for the majority of her awake time since Louis had arrived. “I’m not here pretending everything is peachy,” he continued in a hushed voice.</p>
<p>“Well I just want to make sure you put yourself first Lou,” Niall said with a more understanding tone of voice.</p>
<p>“I will, as soon as Anne is able to come to be with Harry and May this Saturday,” Louis replied.</p>
<p>“Lou I’m being serious. Are you ok?” Niall pressed.</p>
<p>“I’m alright for now. Harry has been mostly out of it. And you see May and I have bonded just fine,” Louis added. And at the sound of her name, she waved to Niall.</p>
<p>“You’re a cutie, aren’t you,” Niall told her.</p>
<p>“Louis?” Harry asked from his room.</p>
<p>“Yeah, I’m in the kitchen. Just a minute,” Louis replied.</p>
<p>“Now you go. Don’t worry about me. Only four more days, ok? Nothing is going to go wrong,” Louis said grabbing Niall by the arm and nudging him towards the door.</p>
<p>“Call me if you need me. Bye!” Niall said before sneaking out the door.</p>
<p>Louis walked the short distance to Harry’s room and found him standing up with his crutch, shirtless. He swallowed hard and made a point of picking up a toy on the floor to avert his gaze.</p>
<p>“Do you think you could help me take a shower?” Harry asked.</p>
<p>Louis stared at him bugged eyed.</p>
<p>“No, no, I’m sorry. I need help getting in and out of the shower. Mom set up the shower seat so I can do the showering myself,” Harry explained.</p>
<p>“Oh ok, let me put May down. I’ll be right in,” Louis said.</p>
<p>Harry nodded and struggled a bit with the crutch but quickly found a good rhythm.</p>
<p>“I’ve got to help daddy for just a minute bug. Can you stay here playing like a big girl? Here’s your bear. Be right back!” Louis told May.</p>
<p>He hurried to the bathroom, grabbed a hold of the handle, took a deep breath, and knocked on the door.</p>
<p>“Are you decent?” Louis tried a bit of humor.</p>
<p>“Yeah, come in. I just need help getting in the shower and sitting down,” Harry said. He was wearing nothing but a towel around his hips, tattoos in full display.</p>
<p>Louis swallowed hard and wordlessly helped Harry get situated. He looked the other way when Harry started to remove the towel and rushed to slide the curtain close. Before he could move, Harry spoke.</p>
<p>“I’ll just be a minute, you can wait right there.”</p>
<p>So now there Louis was, stood in the bathroom with a very naked, wet Harry, in a steamed up room surrounded by familiar smells of Harry’s shampoo and soap and only a thin shower curtain separating them. He could see the faint silhouette of his arms washing his hair. The steam was making him a little dizzy. Surely it wasn’t because he was picturing his ex-boyfriend naked.</p>
<p>“I’m done,” Harry said startling Louis.</p>
<p>“Oh, ok, that was fast. How do you want to do this?” Louis asked.</p>
<p>“Mmm… so, can you give me a hand?”</p>
<p>Louis cursed every god in the universe, but simply said “uh-huh” and braced himself. Harry was still sitting down, the towel back around his hips. Louis decided the ceiling was mighty interesting in this room and worth observing in detail. He leaned down and allowed Harry to hook his arms around his neck. When Harry stood up, Louis’ face ended up right at Harry’s neck. There were tiny drops of water sliding down to his chest. He could also feel Harry’s slow breath on his left ear. Louis wanted to lick those water droplets and suck a purple mark on his old favorite spot right under Harry’s jaw. Louis inhaled deeply and it was the most perfect combination of Harry’s natural smell and his shower products. He dared look at Harry’s pink lips. Louis licked his own.</p>
<p>At that moment, May started yelling “HI!” her new, and most favorite word.</p>
<p>“Oh, I’m being summoned,” Louis said and turned around thanking that sweet, precious child for saving him from himself.</p>
<p>--</p>
<p>Louis had been avoiding Harry all afternoon. After the shower incident, Louis decided to make himself busy. During May’s nap, he proceeded to tidy and scrub every possible surface at lightning speed. Then he took the time to play with May in her room, away from temptation, with the excuse of letting Harry rest. He thanked the gods above when he realized it was almost dinner time, and decided to cook a meal from scratch while Harry and May played with her farm animals. After a quiet dinner, Louis rushed through May’s bedtime routine and had her down by 7 pm on the dot. He snuck out of her room already thinking about his next project.</p>
<p>“Are you done pretending to be busy?” Harry called out from the living room.</p>
<p>Louis closed his eyes and cleared his throat. “What do you mean? I’m just making myself useful. In fact, I’m going to…”</p>
<p>“Come sit down,” Harry said patting the couch when Louis entered the living room. “The place has never looked cleaner and you must be exhausted. I was about to watch a movie. Do you want to join me?”</p>
<p>“Mmm… yeah,” he said shaking his head, a smile tugging at his lips. He was being silly. Just because he had all of these feelings, didn’t mean he was going to jump Harry. Of course, he could sit down next to him and watch a movie. It’d be harmless!</p>
<p>And yet when May’s whines startled him awake, the movie long over, and he realized they were cuddling, it didn’t feel quite so harmless. Harry was still passed out on the couch. Louis’ head had been resting on Harry’s chest. He took a calculated minute to appreciate Harry’s firm body and warmth against him before he carefully removed the other man’s hand from around his waist. He stood up as gracefully as possible and picked up a throw blanket laid behind the couch to cover Harry, but something caught his eye and stopped him cold. Harry had a very obvious erection and Louis was mortified and… turned on? This week couldn’t end fast enough. Louis covered Harry as carefully as possible to conceal the evidence, but he still startled awake. Louis froze.</p>
<p>“Is May up?” Harry said with a sleepy voice.</p>
<p>“She was whining a bit, but she seems to have settled back down now,” Louis said playing dumb and picking up the baby monitor.</p>
<p>Then he looked up and caught Harry staring at his crotch. Louis blushed to what felt like a deep purple and looked down.</p>
<p>“I’m so sorry, I…” Harry started.</p>
<p>“No, no, I get it. It happens. I feel like having tea. Do you want tea? I’m going to the kitchen now,” Louis rapidly fired back sounding extremely flustered.</p>
<p>“Louis is not fair that you keep walking away when I obviously can’t follow you,” Harry said, very frustrated about the situation.</p>
<p>Louis stopped but didn’t immediately turn around. “Are we really going to talk about what’s fair here?” He took a deep breath and faced Harry. He felt even more blood rushing to his face. Why was Harry making this more difficult for him?</p>
<p>“Hey, I'm sorry! I’m extremely grateful for what you’re doing. Trust me, I’m aware I don’t deserve your kindness. I hope I’ve not made you feel like I take for granted what you’re doing. I just wanted to apologize for obviously making you uncomfortable and I just wish you’d stop running away from me,” Harry pleaded.</p>
<p>“I’m not running away from you Harry. Don’t you get it?” Louis said impatiently and looking up, hoping to regain his composure. “Why are you so dense sometimes? You ran away from ME! You left ME! I didn’t have a say in anything. I love you and I’ll be here for a handful of days and then I’m expected to walk away and pretend this never happened, so forgive me for not knowing the protocol here,” Louis whisper yelled.</p>
<p>And then he saw Harry’s expression and he realized what he had admitted to his ex. Shit, shit, shit! He brought his hands to his eyes and squeezed them until he saw flashes of light.</p>
<p>“You love me?” Harry asked almost inaudibly.</p>
<p>“None of that matters,” Louis said while pacing around the living room. “It didn’t matter before and it doesn’t matter now.” This was so humiliating and Louis was trying his hardest to be strong enough. Why rub it in? So many months had passed and Louis was still the loser painfully in love when their relationship had not been worth it for Harry to stick around.</p>
<p>“I just don’t understand why you would still love me,” Harry argued.</p>
<p>At that, he stopped in his tracks, the pain subsiding a bit and replaced with anger. Louis shot daggers at him because what? Harry was not going to sit there and make Louis feel like he hadn’t a clue of how much Louis loved him.</p>
<p>“Why won’t you listen to me? Did I not tell you, you were the one for me? Was I not clear when I said I loved you back then? or when I spoke about our future together? What we had was worth everything to me,” Louis said, rolling his eyes.</p>
<p>“But things changed. I was not the man you fell in love with. I kept secrets and I have a child. I made things too complicated for us…”</p>
<p>“Stop Harry, fuck! You’ve said all of that before,” Louis interrupted. “I don’t want to hear it! It was not up to you to decide unilaterally. You didn’t stop for a minute to ask me what I wanted or needed.”</p>
<p>Harry was rendered speechless and stared at Louis agape, frowning in confusion. Louis made a move to go. He felt too vulnerable with everything out in the open and he wasn’t going to wait for Harry to find the words to reject him again.</p>
<p>“I still love you,” Harry said in a rush.</p>
<p>Louis’ shoulders sagged. He sat down, folded his body in half, and rested his head on his knees. His body was wracked with an onslaught of sobs and tears. Harry had taken a knife to the carefully sewn pieces of his broken heart. It was now beating raw.</p>
<p>“Darling please, forgive me!” Harry said shuffling to get closer to him. “Lou… my love, please don’t cry. I love you. I thought I was doing the right thing. Please look at me. Lou! I didn’t mean to hurt you.”</p>
<p>When Harry reached him, he wasted no time holding him tightly and murmuring “sorry, I'm so sorry” over and over into his ear. It took a few minutes but Louis’ breathing evened out a bit and he sat back up but kept his head bowed down.</p>
<p>“Why are you only saying this now?” Louis ventured to ask, his voice small.</p>
<p>Harry used his thumb to wipe the tear tracks off of Louis’ cheek. Louis was trembling and gripping the couch to ground himself. When he opened his eyes to face Harry, two shiny green eyes bored into his soul.</p>
<p>“Because you’re the love of my life and I was a fool to push you away,” Harry said without skipping a beat. “I’m not going to let you spend one more minute wondering why you weren’t worth it because darling, you mean everything to me, you are worth EVERYTHING, and all I ever wanted was to see you live your best life. But I was so wrong for making choices for you, for lying, for not trusting you and breaking your heart in the process. I thought you'd be better off without me. Even now, I don't believe for a second I deserve your love, but Lou, if you give me another chance, if you’ll let me, I promise I will do everything to love you the way you deserve.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Epilogue: Three years later</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Louis blinked lazily and struggled for a second to remember where he was. The early morning sun poured through the window and he could hear waves crashing. Ah yes! Hotel, ocean, Jamaica, Harry. Then Louis felt him squirming and realized what had woken him up. Though Harry was much taller than him, he’d always loved to be the little spoon. He smiled a toothy grin and closed his eyes again. Louis wrapped his arm tighter around Harry’s middle to bring him closer and took a big sniff of his mop of curls. Their bare legs brushed under the luxurious, white sheets. Louis thought it was quite funny he'd even packed pajamas for the trip.</p><p>“Why are you up so early?” Louis asked with a groggy voice.</p><p>“It’s all your fault,” Harry said.</p><p>“I claim ignorance, your honor. I was asleep and cannot be held accountable for my actions. I don’t even know what I did,” Louis teased, kissing Harry’s shoulder.</p><p>“You’ll still have to pay the consequences,” Harry responded, shuffling a bit to lay his head on Louis’ chest and kissing him behind the ear. Then he rubbed his big hand on Louis’ sleep-warm belly. Louis shuddered and got goosebumps.</p><p>“So what consequences are we talking about?” Louis grinned.</p><p>Harry ran his hand down to the base of Louis’ erect cock, circling his fingers around him, initially just holding him and looking up at him with blown pupils and biting his lower lip. Louis hummed in appreciation and Harry began to gently stroke him. Louis’ hips rolled with the motion; his eyes glued to his cock, marveling at the show. Harry rubbed his thumb over Louis’ slit and dragged the precum all the way down to his neatly trimmed pubes.</p><p>“Mmm… I think I can get on board with this,” Louis moaned.</p><p>“Do you want to come like this?” Harry asked, peering through his lashes.</p><p>“No, I want you to fuck me,” Louis mumbled.</p><p>So Harry reached for the lube they'd conveniently left at their bedside table, uncapped it, and poured a generous amount on his hand, liquid dripping everywhere.</p><p>“You’re making a mess,” Louis laughed.</p><p>“We don’t have to clean it up,” Harry shrugged, rubbing between Louis’ cheeks, easily slipping a finger on his already loose hole. They’d made the best of their vacation after all. Louis hardly needed any prep at all, but that didn’t stop Harry from teasing his prostate and scissoring his fingers to stretch him even more.</p><p>“Lift your legs for me, baby,” Harry ordered, kneeling on the bed and spreading more lube on his own dick.</p><p>Louis obeyed and tilted his hips upwards to allow him better access, holding his legs up in the air. Harry rubbed the thick head of his cock up and down Louis’ crack until it caught in his center. He pushed in painfully slow, grunting.</p><p>He got to work searching for the perfect angle, dragging his dick in and out, allowing Louis to get used to the stretch. Louis rested his feet on Harry’s swallows and started rubbing his own nipples, pinching them every few strokes. Harry kissed his ankle and rubbed his hand down his thigh.</p><p>“I can’t believe how gorgeous you look spread out for me,” Harry said, panting.</p><p>Louis wasn’t complaining about the view either. Harry was tanned from their week-long vacation and his long, curlier-than-usual hair was sticking to his forehead. He had tiny beads of sweat forming over his upper lip. His face was flushed and his brow furrowed. Every so often, he’d roll his eyes reveling in the feeling.</p><p>Once Harry sped up and began fucking him roughly, Louis screwed his eyes shut and resorted to fisting the sheets to brace himself. He brought one of his legs down to hook behind Harry’s thigh and the change in the angle made him jolt. Harry’s hips snapped forward relentlessly and so deep that Louis was seeing stars, already feeling the familiar pull and tightening of his muscles.</p><p>He attempted to tell Harry he was close, but his body beat him to it, and he came crying out, his whole body shaking through it. Harry’s thrusts quickly became erratic. Their skin was slapping together loudly and he released into Louis only a couple of minutes later.</p><p>“God that was amazing!” Louis breathed out.</p><p>Harry collapsed on top of him, nuzzling into Louis’ neck and sucking a few marks. After they’d regained their breath, Harry went to get a wet towel to clean them up and laid back down next to a sated Louis, curling into his side.</p><p>“I can’t believe we're leaving tomorrow. I’ve had the most amazing time,” Louis grinned, peppering Harry with kisses.</p><p>“I know me too. As wonderful as our life has been the last three years, I really wanted to have you all to myself for a little bit,” Harry replied, squeezing his hip.</p><p>“Sap,” Louis chuckled.</p><p>“Hey! You love me just the way I am.”</p><p>“I really, really do Harry,” Louis sat up on the bed. “I hope you know how much I appreciate all of the efforts you’ve put into rebuilding our relationship, and how respectful you’ve been of my process to trust you and open up to you again. I know I joke a lot, but Harry, I don’t take what we have for granted,” Louis added looking into his bright green eyes and reaching for his hand.</p><p>“I know we’ve talked about our future, and it might not be where you’re at right now. But you’ve been the person I want to spend the rest of my life with since day one, and now more than ever I know it in my heart because of how much we’ve overcome and grown together.”</p><p>Louis closed his eyes and took a deep breath.</p><p>“Would you marry me?”</p><p>Harry burst out laughing and covered his face with his hands.</p><p>“Harry?” Louis mumbled. He didn’t want to think the idea of getting married would give Harry a fit of laughter.</p><p>“NO, Lou, wait, of course. Yes, yes! I’ll marry you right now if that’s what you wanted,” Harry said getting up to bear hug Louis. He let go, grabbed him by the shoulders, and looked him in the eye. “I promise my love. I love you so much and your proposal was beautiful. I’m only laughing because I was going to propose to you at the beach at sunset babe. I’ve been stressing for days about how to tell you how much I adore you, and how grateful I am you gave me a second chance.”</p><p>“Oh… I had no idea. I’m sorry if I ruined your surprise,” Louis said with an apologetic smile.</p><p>“That was kind of the point,” Harry responded. “But it doesn’t matter. What you said just now, about our journey and our future. I want it all babe. I want you to wake up next to you every day, for you to be my family, and to grow old together. I’ll never get tired of telling you, you’re it for me. And don’t you worry about tonight darling! I have the rest of our lives to surprise you. This is only the beginning for us.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This is it! I hope you liked it and were able to forgive Harry for being a fool. Tell me what you think in the comments. Thanks for reading ❤</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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